Extracts From The Garden
by Haugh Wards
Summary: A home for one-shot ideas that might be turned into possible stories. Enjoy!
1. Invisible Chaos

**Introduction:**

 **Hello everyone. I have read several one shot stories of Harry Potter online. I have been thinking about this for a long time and now I am making my own home for one-shot ideas and possible future stories.**

 **This will mainly be a home to one-shot ideas, but hopefully will contain possible first chapters to use in possible later stories for FanFiction.**

 **Hope you enjoy them!**

 **Invisible Chaos**

" _It's an Invisibility Cloak," said Ron, a look of awe on his face. "I'm sure it is — try it on."_

 _Harry threw the cloak around his shoulders and Ron gave a yell._

" _It is! Look down!"_

 _Harry looked down at his feet, but they were gone. He dashed to the mirror. Sure enough, his reflection looked back at him, just his head suspended in midair, his body completely invisible. He pulled the cloak over his head and his reflection vanished completely._

" _There's a note!" said Ron suddenly. "A note fell out of it!"_

 _Harry pulled off the cloak and seized the letter. Written in narrow, loopy writing he had never seen before were the following words:_

 _Your father left this in my possession before he died. It is time it was returned to you._

 _Use it well._

 _A Very Merry Christmas to you._

 _There was no signature. Harry stared at the note. Ron was admiring the cloak._

While Harry was staring at the note, a truly evil smile played its way onto his lips. It wasn't an evil smile that would grant thoughts of death. It was a smile of a prankster being born.

The Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, had no idea or clue about the power he had just unleashed inside the halls of Hogwarts.

The only one that had a clue was drunk on sherry. "Prankster's paradise will be the downfall. An omen has been unleashed. No one is safe."

However, as Sybil Trelawney was by herself in her tower, no one heard her give her true genuine prophecy.

After the Christmas Feast, Harry picked out his first targets for his prank of invisibility, as he liked to call it.

He stalked the pair throughout Hogwarts. Eventually the two targets ducked into an unused classroom. He managed to slip in the door before it closed on him.

"Hello, Harry," the Weasley twins said, pulling his cloak off of him.

Harry stood there, stunned. How did the twins realise it was him that was under the cloak. And most of all, how did they know he was under a cloak of invisibility? He didn't realise the answer was the strange parchment that was slightly hanging out of Fred's pocket.

"How did you know I was there?" he asked incredulously.

"We have our secrets," they both said. "We'll tell you it someday. But know this, we'll always know if you're there behind us."

Harry frowned. He didn't like being left in the dark. "In that case, I'm not telling you where I got the cloak."

The twins looked at each other. "Fair enough, Harry. But why aren't you using that to prank other people than ourselves."

"We haven't angered you," Fred quipped.

"Not yet anyway," George chimed in.

"And there's a certain greasy haired man we know who deserves your torment since he's tormented you," they both said.

Now the evil smile was back. Fred and George were right. There were people who actually annoyed and angered him who actually deserved it. It was a shame Malfoy had gone home for the holidays. Harry would have had an enjoyable time pranking the blond haired moron.

In Malfoy Manor, Draco Malfoy, who was sitting by a warm fire, suddenly felt extremely cold. How could that be? the Malfoy scion had wondered.

 **XxXxX**

That night Harry managed to sneak into Snape's Quarters after the man had left for the Dungeon to do some private brewing. Smiling viciously, he took out his anger on Snape's Quarters while staying under the cloak.

When Severus Snape had finished his brewing three hours later, he sleepily entered his quarters, only to become instantly alert when he saw the carnage. All of his windows were wide open, his sofa was overturned, all of his papers were strewn all over the room, and his bed somehow got stuck to the ceiling.

"Oh bugger me."

Snape had been furious and tried to blame Harry. But Ron, ever the loyal friend, testified to both Dumbledore and McGonagall that Harry and he were in their Dorm playing Exploding Snap. They easily believed him and sent him on his way to the fury of Snape. Back in the Common Room, he and Harry shared a high five and proceeded to play Exploding Snap as that was the deal for him backing him up.

 **XxXxX**

For the first time ever, Harry was delighted to see Draco Malfoy enter the Great Hall once the holidays were over.

Malfoy was completely unaware that Harry had already sneaked into his Dorm in the Slytherin Dungeons the day he came back. After gloating to his cronies and classmates about all the stuff his father bought for him for Christmas, he went to bed.

Exhausted and tired after the train trip though, he decided it wasn't worth putting on his pyjamas before jumping happily onto his bed. However, he wasn't expecting his bed to completely cave in or his bed sheets to be soaking wet.

When Blaise Zabini came to bed however, he noticed that Malfoy wasn't anywhere in sight. Believing he would get to sleep before the pompous boy would show up, he started getting ready for bed. But then he heard the groaning sound coming from Malfoy's collapsed bed. When he found Malfoy he smiled ("Better him than me") but he still called for help.

Two days later Malfoy was released from the Hospital Wing.

 **XxXxX**

He hadn't learnt his lesson though.

Once he started antagonising Harry though Draco was the unfortunate victim of a few accidents. One night while sleeping his peaceful dream turned to nightmares of angry hippogriffs mauling him to death. His hair had turned pink and he had been the victim of a near flash fire that left his arse in pain for a week.

He knew it was Potter immediately. Potter would always send him that evil little smile after those accidents. He tried sending letters to his father to complain, but Lucius had enough hearing his son complain about Harry Potter over the holidays, so to Draco's shock, he had received an embarrassing howler from his father during the middle of breakfast telling him to leave Harry Potter alone and to stop 'stalking' him. He had run from the hall in embarrassment from that to loud laughter.

 **XxXxX**

Once Harry started making his name as a serial prankster, the Weasley twins took him under their wing and he started pranking along with them. They finally shared their secret of the Marauders Map with him near the end of First Year.

Harry provided them with the Invisibility Cloak and the three of them went around Hogwarts pranking those who deserved it, mainly racist students who hated everything the light and Harry Potter stood for. Including a very irate greasy haired Potions instructor.

 **XxXxX**

 **1992**

One morning at the start of second year, the Great Hall heard loud shouting from outside the staff door at the back of the hall by the Teachers Table.

"I'M NOT GOING IN THERE," they heard Snape bellowing.

"Severus Snape, you're not staying in your quarters again for a meal," they heard Dumbledore speak. "Come out and socialise."

The staff door opened to admit a strange sight. The Headmaster dragged Professor Snape in. Except he didn't look like Snape.

Severus' Snape hair had changed. Instead of long, greasy hair, his hair had become an abomination. It was now a 1980s afro with red and gold colours to it. Most of the people in the hall ended up snorting into their plates to cover up the laughter, although many dared to laugh. Three of those were Harry Potter, Fred and George Weasley.

Severus scowled as he glared at the trio at the Gryffindor Table. He knew full well that Potter was in cohorts with the Weasley twins and that he was responsible, no matter what.

It scared him though, that the son of James Potter was prank partners with the Weasley Twins. He did not believe the school was yet ready for _that_.

 **XxXxX**

 **1993**

"So Harry," Fred asked in a whisper. "What did you do with that dungbomb we sold you earlier."

Harry looked up at one of his closest friends. "Malfoy," he simply said, with a grin.  
 **  
XxXxX**  
Draco Malfoy smiled as he made his way into the Common Room. He had that oaf up for investigation for introducing that damned hippogriff in class. He got ready for bed when he found a note at the foot of his bed.

 _Take a look down the toilet, third stall by the window._

Confused and curious, he went into the bathroom and into the third stall by the window. He turned his head downwards to see a message written inside the bowl.

 _Call off the investigation or it will get much worse._

Angry, he flushed the toilet to get rid of the ridiculous message. However, that flushing triggered the dungbomb.

From the toilet itself a foul, rancid, partially liquefied brown sludge exploded outwards and covered Draco head to toe and the stall was now painted brown. Draco sat down on the toilet seat and buried his head in his hands, uncaring at that moment that he was absolutely filthy.

The door to the bathroom opened and Marcus Flint came in. When he saw the mess he believed Draco had made he glared at the younger boy.

"THAT'S IT," he shouted. "I KNOW YOU CAN'T AIM RIGHT BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS. YOU'RE OFF THE QUIDDITCH TEAM. AND CLEAN THIS MESS UP."

Flint's shouting brought a large mass of the Slytherin Common Room up to see what was going on. When they saw the self-proclaimed Slytherin prince covered in what they believed was his own doing, they all laughed. Less than twenty four hours later the entire school heard about his 'accident'.

Tired of all the pranks and harassment he had to endure daily from Potter and the Weasley Twins, a part of Draco grew up. He approached Harry Potter once he was all cleaned up and offered a truce. As long as he called off Hagrid's investigation and stopped using the 'M' word the truce was accepted. Initially he was going to say no to that last demand but quickly thinking his hair might turn red and gold like Snape's, he agreed to the offer.

 **XxXxX**

 **1995 - 1996**

Dolores Umbridge was baffled and angry.

Many times throughout the year she tried to have the chance to get Potter into detention and expelled, but someone was derailing her at every turn.

Her office was broken into constantly and important papers had simply vanished. And every time she would send a member of the Inquisitorial Squad to a certain location they would vanish for a few hours, later found wandering around Hogsmeade and annoying Madam Rosmerta.

She could not determine what was happening. Cornelius was constantly warning her to stay away from Potter and not expel him, stating that the Magical World needed him. He was saying the complete opposite back until September.

What she didn't know was that Harry Potter now had the entire Malfoy family in his pocket, after making a deal with Lucius Malfoy to keep his name out of the media in exchange for a partnership and ensuring that Cornelius Fudge behaved himself when it came to thoughts of evicting him from Magical Britain.

When she received word from a valuable source early in the year of 1996 that Harry Potter was teaching a Dark Arts Club, she gathered the Inquisitorial Squad to inform them what to do, not realising that Draco Malfoy was fingering a special coin deep in his pocket. When they arrived at the alleged meeting, there was not a soul or a wand in sight. Dumbledore's Army had been warned in time.

But she didn't realise a prank spell was cast on her from ten feet away under a very special cloak.

Harry and the Weasley Twins then snuck back to Gryffindor Tower before they laughed away on the sight of live toads following Umbridge everywhere for the rest of her days.


	2. A Punching Change

_**The Punch Heard Around The School**_

 **AN:** **Remembered this moment in the book recently and I was feeling very angry about what Snape said to poor Hermione. I just wanted to hit him.** **Here's the result**

 _Ron had hurried forward to see what was wrong with her; Harry turned and saw Ron dragging Hermione's hand away from her face. It wasn't a pretty sight. Hermione's front teeth — already larger than average — were now growing at an alarming rate; she was looking more and more like a beaver as her teeth elongated, past her bottom lip, toward her chin — panic-stricken, she felt them and let out a terrified cry._

" _And what is all this noise about?" said a soft, deadly voice._

 _Snape had arrived. The Slytherins clamored to give their explanations; Snape pointed a long yellow finger at Malfoy and said, "Explain."_

" _Potter attacked me, sir —"_

" _We attacked each other at the same time!" Harry shouted._

"— _and he hit Goyle — look —"_

 _Snape examined Goyle, whose face now resembled something that would have been at home in a book on poisonous fungi._

" _Hospital wing, Goyle," Snape said calmly._

" _Malfoy got Hermione!" Ron said. "_ _Look_ _!"_

 _He forced Hermione to show Snape her teeth — she was doing her best to hide them with her hands, though this was difficult as they had now grown down past her collar. Pansy Parkinson and the other Slytherin girls were doubled up with silent giggles, pointing at Hermione from behind Snape's back._

 _Snape looked coldly at Hermione, then said, "I see no difference."_

 _Hermione let out a whimper; her eyes filled with tears, she turned on her heel and ran, ran all the way up the corridor and out of sight._

 _It was lucky, perhaps, that both Harry and Ron started shouting at Snape at the same time; lucky their voices echoed so much in the stone corridor, for in the confused din, it was impossible for him to hear exactly what they were calling him. He got the gist, however._

" _Let's see," he said, in his silkiest voice. "Fifty points from Gryffindor and a detention each for Potter and Weasley. Now get inside, or it'll be a week's worth of detentions."_

Harry was furious. More than furious. Year after year he had to deal with his bullying teacher. He held his tongue every year, tried not to provoke Snape, tried to just blend into the shadows and not be hunted like the celebrity he was. He hated it.

As those thoughts of anger and frustration rushed through his head, he venomously glared at the giggling Draco Malfoy. Malfoy stopped giggling and suddenly looked scared at the look Harry was sending him.

Harry then turned his face to the Potions teacher himself, Severus Snape. A million thoughts and words rushed to his head as he looked at the man who considered himself a teacher. HE was the dunderhead, not Harry. He made students miserable. And most of all, he made Hermione miserable.

Harry was used to bullies all his life. In Primary School from being around Dudley and his cronies to Draco Malfoy who liked to insult and berate people he saw as lower than him.

But Snape, Harry realised, Snape was a grown man who threw his weight around like Malfoy and insulted and berated others. And most of all, he made his best friend Hermione cry.

Pure unadulterated fury suddenly ensconced Harry as he thought of the times Snape hurt him and Hermione. He suddenly remembered the previous year when Snape called Hermione an 'insufferable know-it-all'.

The fury pushed through his body as he glared at the man as he thought of what he would like to do to him. Harry's right fist clenched violently. A voice in the back of his head suddenly said to him "Do It. You will not be expelled."

Before anyone started going into the classroom, Harry went right in front of Snape. His hand and heart was pounding from the fury. Harry brought up his clenched fist and did something he didn't think he would ever do.

He punched Snape right on the man's left cheek. He heard the sound of bone cracking as the man fell on the ground.

"YOU DUNDERHEAD," Harry shouted. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE CALLED NAMES? HUH. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT BULLY. YOU ARE PATHETIC, SNAPE!"

Harry didn't realise the students around him were stunned at the display of anger Harry had shown towards the Hogwarts Potions teacher. They all stared in shock, absolutely certain that Harry had just signed his death warrant by hitting the most hated teacher in Hogwarts.

Harry ignored the students and left the area, deciding the groaning man on the floor was not worth any more time wasting. He made his way to the Hospital Wing to see his friend.

"Hermione," he greeted when he saw her sitting on a bed, with Madam Pomfrey looking her over for other curses that might have been cast.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Potter?" Pomfrey spoke sternly. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

Harry kept his face straight as he answered. "I don't think Snape wants to see me for a while."

"I can tell," Pomfrey said, looking over Harry's shoulder. Harry turned to see Snape hobbling into the room holding his cheek. Behind him was Malfoy trying to support Goyle. However, Goyle suddenly fell asleep on Malfoy and fell down to the ground, crushing Malfoy under him.

"Help me," Malfoy squeaked from under the massive figure of Goyle.

"Mr. Potter," the Mediwitch spoke. "Will you levitate Mr Goyle off of Mr Malfoy."

Reluctantly, Harry turned his wand on Goyle only to snigger. Goyle was kissing Malfoy's cheek in his sleep.

"You smell so good, Millicent," Goyle mumbled sleepily.

Harry burst into laughter at hearing that, levitating Goyle off of Malfoy, who was looking murderously at Harry.

"Did you put perfume on your cheek, Draco?" Harry asked mockingly, suppressing his laughter.

Malfoy glared at him, but as Madam Pomfrey was present he ignored Harry and walked out of the Hospital Wing.

"What did you do to Professor Snape, Harry?" Hermione asked. Madam Pomfrey had finished with her and made her way to Snape, who was groaning like a wounded dog.

Harry suddenly noticed the difference in Hermione. Her teeth were now a different size. Instead of the slight buck teeth she had they were now like normal teeth.

"You had your teeth shrunk," Harry stated, shocked at the sight.

"What's wrong with having normal sized teeth?" Hermione asked him.

"Your teeth made you look unique, Hermione," Harry countered. "I never cared what your teeth looked like. All I care about is that I have a pretty awesome unique friend who I love."

Hermione blushed vibrantly red at the praise.

"Don't evade my question, Harry," she retorted in a friendly tone. "What did you do to Professor Snape?"

"The brat punched me in the face," Snape said from the next bed, before clutching his cheek and moaning from the pain of talking.

Hermione was horrified, staring at Harry as if seeing him for the first time.

Madam Pomfrey heard Snape as well, and looked sympathetically at Harry, as if she knew he was on his deathbed.

"Merlin Harry," Hermione breathed. "Why did you do that? You could be expelled."

"Because I am sick of Snape's attitude," Harry countered. "I have gotten too used to it to care. But he insulted you so badly you started crying. I am not going to stand by any longer and hear him insult my friends."

"Alright, Severus," Madam Pomfrey said. "You're now all healed. Carry on to your next class."

With one look of pure loathing on his face directed at Harry, Snape left the room.

"Harry Potter," Madam Pomfrey said angrily. "Do you realise you have basically signed your death warrant?"

"I do," Harry timidly spoke.

"He's going to be expelled," Hermione shrieked.

Madam Pomfrey smiled and leaned close. "Don't let anyone know this, but Albus Dumbledore is never going to let Mr Potter be expelled. He wants him in the castle. And you're now free to go Ms Granger."

And with that Madam Pomfrey went back to her office, leaving Harry dumbstruck.

Dumbledore would never let him leave? Why was that?

 **IlIlIlIlI**

After the Wand Weighing later that day, Harry went to dinner.

As he ate he was aware of all the whispered conversations around him talking about what he did to Snape. He stole a glance up at the Head Table where he returned Snape's furious glare with a cocky smile.

Suddenly he felt a familiar presence behind him.

"Harry, my boy," said Dumbledore. He didn't sound pleased. "I'd like to see you in my office after dinner."

Dumbledore reached forwards and grabbed a slice of sherbet lemon on the table. "Ah, I'd think I'll have a slice of _sherbet lemon_." He spoke pointedly at Harry. Harry instantly understood. That was the password to the old man's office.

So after dinner a high spirited Harry arrived at Dumbledore's office. He give the password and went in. In the room was Dumbledore himself, Snape, and Professor McGonagall.

"Harry," Dumbledore spoke. "We need to talk about what you did to Professor Snape –"

"TALK ABOUT," Snape roared. "HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. EXPEL THE WHELP."

Harry looked at the three people. Suddenly remembering what Madam Pomfrey said earlier, he spoke.

"Go ahead, Dumbledore," Harry said. "Expel me. I don't see a point staying in the castle."

He almost laughed at the look of abject horror on the wizened wizard's face. Snape was looking like Christmas had come early with that damned smile on his face. And Professor McGonagall–

"Mr Potter," she spoke furiously. "Why in Merlin's name would you want to leave Hogwarts?"

Harry was about to answer back when something caught his eye. A stone coloured basin lying inside a cabinet. He got up from his chair and walked over to it. There were odd carvings around the edge: runes and symbols that Harry did not recognize. There was a silver light coming from the basin's contents, which were like nothing Harry had ever seen before. He could not tell whether the sub stance was liquid or gas. It was a bright, whitish silver, and it was moving ceaselessly; the surface of it became ruffled like water be neath wind, and then, like clouds, separated and swirled smoothly. It looked like light made liquid — or like wind made solid — Harry couldn't make up his mind.

"What is this?" Harry asked, wonder in his voice.

"It is called a Pensieve Mr Potter," Professor McGonagall said, coming over to him. "You can view memories in this. You take your wand up to your head like this-" and she demonstrated "-and pull the memory that you're thinking of out and place it in."

Harry gazed in wonder and suddenly had an idea. He knew he could trust Professor McGonagall. He greatly respected his Transfiguration Professor. On occasion he liked to think of her as a Grandma figure in his life.

"Can I show you the reason I got in trouble with Snape?" he asked, ignoring Dumbledore correcting him in the background.

"I highly doubt you did it on a whim," his teacher said. "Go ahead."

Harry nodded gratefully and put his wand up to his head, expunging the memory he was thinking of into the basin.

Professor McGonagall stuck her head in. Harry smiled at the sight of his Transfiguration Professor looking like a duck with its head underwater.

When McGonagall surfaced Harry stepped back.

Pure fury was in the Scotswoman's eyes and suddenly he feared for his life more than he ever did with Snape.

However, to his surprise she went up to Snape and slapped him. Shock washed over Snape's eyes as he looked at Dumbledore.

"Minerva, what are you -"

Dumbledore didn't finish his statement as McGonagall physically dragged Dumbledore and forced his head into his Pensieve.

After a few minutes she dragged him up. "Tell me Albus," she screeched. "Should a teacher act like that."

"Minerva, I -"

"Shut up, Albus," she growled. She turned to Snape. "You go down to the Dungeons and come back with Draco Malfoy right now."

Harry didn't say a word. He was too scared to say anything in case McGonagall would turn her ire on him. Snape left and came back not fifteen minutes later with Malfoy.

"Empty your pockets Mr Malfoy," McGonagall spoke sternly.

Scared and confused, Harry watched as Malfoy emptied his pockets. The main thing that caught his eye was that damned badge Malfoy made.

McGonagall charmed the badge to reanimate and suddenly the words _Support Cedric Diggory_ changed to _Potter Stinks_.

"Bullying to the highest degree, Mr Malfoy," she spoke sternly. "Harassing a fellow student."

Harry was surprised. He thought the teachers all knew about the badges but didn't care.

"You will be serving a month's detention with me, Mr Malfoy," she spoke. "Harassment is strictly against school rules. Go back to your dorm. If I catch you or anyone else wearing this badge in the future there will be dire consequences."

"Minerva, I -"

"Hold your tongue, Albus," she fiercely said.

Harry didn't say a word. He was glad he had Professor McGonagall on his side.

"As for you, Mr Potter," she spoke. Maybe not. "Striking a Hogwarts teacher is immediate grounds for expulsion. You will serve one half hour detention with me tomorrow night."

She give him the tiniest wink and Harry calmed down.

"HALF AN HOUR," Snape found his voice again. "EXPEL THE BRAT."

"My hands are tied, Severus," Dumbledore spoke. "Harry Potter will not be expelled. However, you and me are going to have a serious talk once everyone leaves this room."

"I am not leaving, Albus," McGonagall nearly roared. "I am staying here and I am going to have some choice words with Severus that I don't want young people to hear."

She turned to Harry. "You are free to go Mr Potter. But be in my office tomorrow at eight sharp."

Harry nodded to her and left.

Back in his Common Room he swore he could still hear McGonagall shouting at the other end of the castle.

That night, he slept well.

 **AN:** **Although I like Severus Snape and feel like Dumbledore manipulated him into a job he hated, it still doesn't mean I like him as a teacher. Truthfully he is absolutely horrible to the students around him and doesn't teach properly, despite his hatred for it.**


	3. Bloody Hand

**Bloody Handwriting**

 _I wanted Harry Potter's_ _ **blood**_ _. I wanted the_ _ **blood**_ _of the one who had stripped me of power thirteen years ago … for the lingering protection his mother once gave him would then_ _ **reside in my veins too**_ _. …_

 _(Goblet Of Fire -C33)_

 _He looked back at the parchment, placed the quill upon it once more, wrote_ _I must not tell lies,_ _and felt the searing pain on the back of his hand for a second time; once again the words had been cut into his skin, once again they healed over seconds later._

 _And on it went. Again and again Harry wrote the words on the parchment in what he soon came to realize was not ink, but_ _ **his own**_ _ **blood**_ _. And again and again the words were cut into the back of his hand, healed, and then reappeared the next time he set quill to parchment._

 _(Order of the Phoenix -C13)_

* * *

"CRUCIO," Voldemort bellowed the moment he saw Lucius.

That was how Voldemort greeted Lucius every time he arrived at his secret location. He had been extremely angry with Lucius ever since Wormtail had told him the previous year of the re-opening of the Chamber of Secrets three years prior. He knew right away it was Lucius as he was the one he had entrusted his diary with. He had also found out from Wormtail that the diary had been destroyed and was currently in possession of Albus Dumbledore.

He had been extremely angry with this turn of events that he attacked Lucius every time the man now turned up.

"Lucius," he drawled coldly. "What news do you bring me?"

"My Lord," Lucius replied, kissing the hem of his black robes.

"Get up ," Voldemort ordered coldly.

Lucius did so. "My Lord," he continued. "I bring news of success. I have contacted Fenrir Greyback and he once again has accepted servitude. He would like to meet you in person so he can vow it to you personally."

Voldemort twirled his wand. "That is a reasonable demand," he intoned. "Inform Greyback I will contact him when I want to see him. Now leave Lucius."

Lucius turned to leave.

"CRUCIO." The spell connected, sending Lucius to the floor.

He also did it every time Lucius left too. As a way of saying goodbye.

As he sat down he started petting his beloved snake, Nagini.

As he was petting her he felt a prickling in the back of his hand. He ignored it at first but then he felt it. A pained moan escaped his thin lips as he stroked Nagini's chin.

He lifted his hand, and to his horror, lines started to appear. But not just once. Over and over again the words _I Must Not Tell Lies_ started carving into his skin. He stuffed his hand in his mouth so as not to whimper. You really couldn't whimper when you were a Dark Lord.

It went on like that for the next hour. During that time he tried every spell on the back of his hand. None of his spells worked. After the hour ended the writing stopped, but it didn't disappear.

In the days to come and always at five o' clock his hand would basically cut itself open and those damned words _I Must Not Tell Lies_ would always appear. It wasn't until nearly a month in he finally realised what was going on.

On that particular day he was in a foul mood and was once again investigating his hand.

What in Merlin is going on, Voldemort thought. This is the most secure blood I've ever had. I got it from Harry Potter after all.

That thought stopped him dead in his tracks. Harry Potter. HARRY POTTER.

He took his blood when he was resurrected a few months back. That meant he shared his blood with Harry Potter. What the hell was the damned brat doing at that bloody school that made this happen?

There was only one person who could possibly explain.

 **IlIlIlI**

"My Lord," Severus Snape greeted himself, bending down and kissing the hem of his robes.

"Sit down, Severus," Voldemort spoke coldly.

Severus did so.

"Severus, there is something I must ask of you," he said. "But before I do I want to make it very clear this is not to be spoken about to anyone else, not even the other Death Eaters."

"Of course, my lord," Severus spoke, bowing his head.

"Could you possibly be able to explain this?" he asked. And he showed Severus the back of his hand.

"My Lord?" Severus questioned.

"For my Rebirthing ritual some months ago, I used the blood of Harry Potter to help me regain a body. However there is a flaw," he said. "I share my blood with the boy, and whatever he is doing to himself in that castle, it is happening to me. I want you to find out what he is doing."

Severus studied the back of his hand, his eyes narrowing.

"You have an idea, Severus?" he questioned. "Care to share it with your Lord?"

"Of course," he nodded. "However, I would need confirmation to prove my suspicions."

Severus sat down. "Perhaps you have heard of the new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher Dolores Umbridge."

Voldemort had. It was people like that that helped him recruit a variety of creatures angry at the Ministry, like Greyback.

"She is of the firm belief that Potter is a liar and that you have not returned," Severus spoke silkily. "She has him in detention nearly every weekday at five o' clock."

FIVE O' CLOCK! That was when the lines would start showing on the back of his hand.

But Severus wasn't finished. "She's constantly calling him a liar in the staff meetings and I quote 'He Must Not Tell Lies'."

Voldemort was on the verge of blowing up. That was basically the same words that were etched on his hand.

"Find confirmation for me, Severus," he managed to speak calmly. "Find out what this toad is doing behind the closed doors of Potter's detentions. You may go."

Severus bowed and left the room. The moment he heard the man apparate away he gave a loud roar of rage and cast every destructive spell he could at the target dummies in the basement.

Then five o' clock came.

"I'm going to kill you Dolores Umbridge!" he screamed in fury.

 **IlIlIlI**

It wasn't for another two months that Severus managed to obtain the information about what was going on in Potter's detentions.

He came back with confirmation that Dolores Umbridge was using a Blood Quill in her detentions with Harry Potter and other students.

That sent him into a destructive rage that nearly brought down the manor.

Although he was glad that Potter and other students were suffering torment after torment with that woman, he wasn't glad it was affecting him too. Just how did Potter manage to piss off this woman so easily.

So he summoned Lucius and a plan was made. He decided to call off the raid he was going to send Nagini on in the Department of Mysteries for that blasted prophecy in the meantime. His entire focus was only on one thing now. Dolores Umbridge.

 **IlIlIlI**

Dolores Umbridge was delighted. It was now Christmas and she could now leave this horrible school and its horrid children for the Holidays.

She flooed straight to the Minister's Office and wished Cornelius to have a good Christmas, although she could care less about her boss.

She left his office and went straight to the Ministry Atrium towards the exits. It was absolutely crowded with wizards on their way home from work.

"Madam Undersecretary," she heard a familiar silky voice speak.

She recognised that voice. She turned to greet Lucius Malfoy.

"Mister Malfoy," she greeted respectively. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," he spoke crisply. "Let's walk shall we?"

Confused but eager, she started following Lucius towards the exit.

She was telling him about all the news up at the school and how delusional Dumbledore and Potter were getting.

"I mean it's just ridiculous," she said. "But the Dark Lord could not possibly be living. He's dead. Thanks to the Ministry's efforts during the war."

Lucius spoke no word as he walked with her. Once out of sight of Muggles and wizards in London he stunned the woman with all his might. He was getting tired of hearing the bloody toad talk. He felt sorry for his son who had to put up with the woman since September.

He activated the Portkey in his pocket that whisked him and that vile toad to the Dark Lord's hideout.

 **IlIlIlI**

Voldemort was busy.

Busy doing the only Muggle thing he liked. Air drumming to Phil Collins 'In The Air Tonight'. He was in the mood for the beautiful song as today would be a great day.

"And I've been waiting for this moment all my life," he chanted along to the song.

If there was one Muggle he wouldn't kill, it would be Phil Collins.

He suddenly heard a Portkey in the background and he vanished the tape player after pausing it. No need to have his Death Eaters walk in him enjoying a Muggle song.

"Lucius," he greeted, coldly. "I see you brought a guest."

Dolores Umbridge was levitated into the room, still knocked out cold from the Stunning Spell she received.

"Renervate," Voldemort lazily incanted.

At once Dolores Umbridge awoke. She got up from lying on the floor and dusted herself off.

"Really, Lucius?" she asked. "If you wanted to have your way with me you could have just asked."

Lucius promptly got sick on the floor at hearing THAT. Even Voldemort was gagging and retching.

One look at the vile, toad like human being in front of him would be enough to make a man impotent for the rest of his life. Voldemort thought.

"Dolores Umbridge," he spoke coldly, still trying to get that nauseating thought out of his head. "Turn around and face me."

The lady turned to look at him up and down.

"Are you playing dress-up to try and convince me You-Know-Who has returned?" she tutted. "We can't have that now can we. After all, You-Know-Who is dead, thanks to the efforts of the Ministry."

Fury enveloped within him, Voldemort cast his most powerful Cruciatus Curse on the woman. He relished in hearing her screams. "Get out, Lucius," he bellowed. "Dolores and I are going to have a little private time."

Lucius fled.

"Dolores Umbridge," he drawled slowly in an emotionless tone. "I think it's time I show you I truly have returned."

"CRUCIO."

Dolores started screaming again.

When she opened her eyes from the pain Voldemort had his formerly bloodied but now healed hand in front of her.

"You see these lines, saying _I Must Not Tell Lies_ ," he snarled. "You made Harry Potter write that. I took his blood to be resurrected earlier this year. And now that I share his blood I was also a recipient of those blasted detentions you gave him. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN YOU PUT ME THROUGH?"

Dolores Umbridge now fully believed that You-Know-Who was indeed back. Even worse, she was finding it out because she made Harry Potter take detention with her.

"CRUCIO." Hearing the toad scream was like heaven to Voldemort.

"But I am not going to kill you," he spoke coldly. Dolores whimpered. "Not tonight, anyway. I am going to keep you hear and I am going to have my Death Eaters use you for target practice."

 **IlIlIlI**

So when a few months later when he broke his followers out of Azkaban, he encouraged them to do target practice on her. He wanted her preserved so she could be the victim of several spells.

After she had simply vanished a few months prior from the public eye he ensured Lucius manipulated Cornelius Fudge to let Dumbledore hire someone proper for the role of Defence. He did not want another one of Fudge's flunkies antagonising Harry Potter. Likely one of them might accidentally kill him. Harry Potter was his to kill. HIS.

Severus Snape was the only Death Eater not present. The man had a facade to protect at Hogwarts.

"BELLA, DON'T," he screeched at her.

But it was too late. However Voldemort shouting her name surprised her that her wand moved slightly aiming the Cutting Curse not at Dolores neck, but at the strap on the woman's blouse. The Cutting Curse cut through the strap and Dolores Umbridge's blouse just fell off.

However as Dolores did not wear a bra, her full frontal was on display to all the Death Eaters in the room including Voldemort.

Voldemort's breathing hitched and he started struggling for air. He was not aware his Death Eaters were screaming in terror and were either killing themselves or obliviating themselves (and killing themselves when that didn't work).

He fell on the ground clutching his chest. He was well aware he was having a stroke combined with a heart attack.

No, this couldn't happen. He couldn't die here. He was unable to reach out to his Horcruxes though and he knew why. He needed his heart and lungs to survive encounters like with Harry Potter but they were failing him fast.

Half an hour later and he was dead. One of the Killing Curses cast in the room shot right at Dolores Umbridge, instantly killing her. Her constraints had freed with the death of Voldemort and her body fell to the ground, right on her blouse that had fallen off of her.

When Severus Snape showed up a few days later to investigate the reason why the Dark Mark had disappeared he found a scene reminiscent of Jonestown.

He levitated the dead bodies of Voldemort and Peter Pettigrew and left the grisly room.

The war was over. And Sirius Black got his trial and went free.

 **AN:** **I sometimes wondered if Harry's punishments with Umbridge writing lines would affect Voldemort aswell. They do -at this point- share blood. Here's the result.  
**


	4. Sorting Health Problems

_Harry gripped the edges of the stool and thought,_ _Not Slytherin, not Slytherin_ _._

" _Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice. "Are you sure? You could be great, you know, its all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that — no?_ You really don't evenknow the house. You only came across one bad student from that house. There's no need to be judgmental."

WHAT? Was he being judgmental like Dudley?

Scowling inwardly, Harry made up his mind.

"Better be - "

 **IlIlIlI**

Healer Poppy Pomfrey was in the Hospital Wing, finishing her stocking up on Anti-Anxiety Potions. Students, especially new ones, always had difficulty in Hogwarts on their first month here. So Anti-Anxiety Potions were a must.

As she finished she heard the main door to the Hospital Wing open.

"Poppy, we need your help," she heard Minerva call out.

Poppy left the stockroom to see what was wrong. What she saw in front of her confused her.

Albus Dumbledore was lying on a bed and complaining his arm had gone dead.

Severus Snape was in the adjoining bed with what looked like a stroke.

"What happened to them?"

"I can have a guess, Poppy, and I think it is hilarious," Minerva smirked.

"What was it?"

 **IlIlIlI**

"-Slytherin."

After the hat's announcement, pure silence greeted the Great Hall you could have heard a pin drop.

At the gentle encouragement of Professor McGonagall, Harry walked to the Slytherin Table and sat across from Theodore Nott whom immediately enticed Harry into conversation, welcoming him into the House of Slytherin.

At the head table, there was mixed reactions. Hagrid was shocked at first but then shrugged and refocused on the sorting.

Minerva McGonagall was shocked, but for a different reason. There hadn't been a Potter outside Gryffindor in three hundred years. The last one was the famous Harlan Potter back in 1682 who was sorted into Slytherin. She shuddered. Harlan Potter was known for viciously changing the Ministry. Hopefully Harry wasn't like that.

However, there was two other reactions. Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape collapsed on the floor.

"Bathsheda, finish the sorting for me, would you," she motioned to Professors Sprout and Flitwick to help her get Albus and Severus to the Hospital Wing.

 **IlIlIlI**

"Well, Minerva," Poppy said after examining both men. "Albus has had a heart attack and Severus had a stroke. At Albus' age, he might pull through but I'll try my best."

"Thanks, Poppy," Minerva smiled before leaving the room.

Once outside the Hospital Wing she couldn't help but laugh. Of all the things to have a heart attack and a stroke to it was Harry Potter being sorted into Slytherin. She honestly couldn't wait to inform Albus the cause of his predicament.

And she didn't understand why she found it so funny.

 **IlIlIlI**

Once Albus was healed of his heart attack he was forced by his political partners to calm down. It was just by sheer dumb luck he survived the heart attack.

As he sat in his office, he decided to stop paying attention to Harry Potter.

Each time he saw the boy in the trademark green Slytherin robes, his blood pressure escalated and he would feel very hot every time. He was not going to sacrifice his health by paying attention to the boy. Knowing that keeping Nicholas' stone hidden underneath that trapdoor would just have a chain reaction that would make him have to come face to face with Harry Potter, he made a sensible decision.

He performed the Fidelius Charm on his desk drawer after putting the stone in it. Only he alone could now access it.

 **IlIlIlI**

Severus Snape was in a great mood after he recovered from his stroke.

Because of his health report done up by Poppy, he wasn't given First to Fifth year Potions classes anymore. The school board forced Albus to hire a new teacher for those years so he was now dealing with NEWT level students, which was only fourteen students.

He didn't even know his overall better mood had made him a better teacher.

And also because he didn't have to deal with Harry Potter other than possible detentions as his Head of House.


End file.
